Everything was planned. It was going to be perfect. I had a ticket to Muscat and was ready to meet him there. But a few mishaps later and the love of my life was stranded in that city of his childhood and I was stuck in Houston, awaiting a visa that never came.
Why?
A few weeks later, by God's grace I was back in India, and the "plan" we had both so been looking forward to had changed. When would it happen? At the airport? When we reached Pune? Weeks later?
I tried really hard to be 'normal' about the whole thing, but little girls who shake Christmas presents and ask sly questions to their parents to find hidden answers don't grow up to wait patiently for a proposal. And Toms knows this, of course, and decided to make the whole thing into a game... which drove me crazy. He said (and I couldn't believe this), "I had a plan and it didn't work out. Now there is no plan. I am carrying the ring around with me and I will ask at the right time."
I calmly freaked out repeatedly over and over inside every minute of every day.
To gain the edge, and also because I really meant it, I told him, "Well you can't ask me until I get my nails done." Very mature, I know. But seriously. Everyone wants to see the ring, and my nails were gross. I had traveled across the world, was fighting with the Foreign Registration Office on a daily basis, looking for an apartment (unsuccessfully), working, and my eyes were red with some strange disease (go figure). This just wasn't right... it can't happen like this. I kept seeing the beach in the desert in Muscat--the ocean, some elaborate plan, me wearing the new dress I bought just for the occasion to match the surroundings.
Alas, I had no control. Or maybe for a divine moment reality was made clear that I never have control anyway. "Control is an illusion," someone in my life always says. Yes, yes.
So on a perfectly horribly day on which I was one of the worst versions of myself, this unfolded: imagine me, the frustrated, annoying, nagging, stressed out girlfriend, no shower (umm why, just going to get dirty again in the mess of my current life), red eyes (really really red... like bizarre, like shouldn't you go to the doctor your eyes are really red, red), and about to move into my new apartment.
"Honey!!" I yelled, (very sweetly). "Can you just move all my stuff in for me? I'm stressed out. I have to go ______ and do ______ and I don't have time and I don't want to wait!" I had gotten my nails done that morning and was in a particularly princess-y mood.
"Fine," he replies, controlling himself. I come back from my errand to find all of my things moved into my new apartment, nice and neat, and Toms sitting quietly, waiting for me to return.
"Thank you so much! I'm so happy! etc.etc." As the sun began to set on my maddening day, I looked around my new place with a feeling of victory. I felt like the Queen of Maharastra--having conquered my foes in a four week siege since my plane had landed and Toms met me at the airport--ready to help with anything, just happy to have me there.
"Why don't you go take a shower?" he suggested. "What am I gross or something?" "Just go take a shower." In a moment of submission I "just did it". My hair dripping I decided to light a sea-scent candle from Galveston and turn on the small red lamp. Toms was on the balcony, sitting and meaningfully looking into the distance. "Honey look at my new apartment! Come look! Look! Isn't it so nice?!"
He came inside and smiled, took my hand and began to lead me in a dance. No music required. "Why don't you put some music on?" On my iTunes I typed, "If Tomorrow" recalling the cheesy country duet between Garth Brooks and Kent Blazy "If Tomorrow Never Comes". This song and "Tomorrow Night" by Patty Griffin popped up and began to play. We resumed our dance and then something in the atmosphere shifted. Like it did before our first kiss.
"Are you ready?" he asked me.
If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her? Did I try in every way to show her every day that she's my only one? And if my time on earth were through and she must face this world without me... Is the love I gave her in the past going to be enough to last if tomorrow never comes?
Lots of tears. An amazing speech. "There is no perfect time. Now is the time." Down on one knee.
YES!
Tomorrow night, will you remember what you said tonight? Tomorrow night will all the thrill be gone? Tomorrow night, will it be just another memory? Or just another song that's in my heart to linger on? Tomorrow night, will you be with me when the moon is bright? Tomorrow night will you say those lovely things you said tonight?
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Why?
A few weeks later, by God's grace I was back in India, and the "plan" we had both so been looking forward to had changed. When would it happen? At the airport? When we reached Pune? Weeks later?
I tried really hard to be 'normal' about the whole thing, but little girls who shake Christmas presents and ask sly questions to their parents to find hidden answers don't grow up to wait patiently for a proposal. And Toms knows this, of course, and decided to make the whole thing into a game... which drove me crazy. He said (and I couldn't believe this), "I had a plan and it didn't work out. Now there is no plan. I am carrying the ring around with me and I will ask at the right time."
I calmly freaked out repeatedly over and over inside every minute of every day.
To gain the edge, and also because I really meant it, I told him, "Well you can't ask me until I get my nails done." Very mature, I know. But seriously. Everyone wants to see the ring, and my nails were gross. I had traveled across the world, was fighting with the Foreign Registration Office on a daily basis, looking for an apartment (unsuccessfully), working, and my eyes were red with some strange disease (go figure). This just wasn't right... it can't happen like this. I kept seeing the beach in the desert in Muscat--the ocean, some elaborate plan, me wearing the new dress I bought just for the occasion to match the surroundings.
Alas, I had no control. Or maybe for a divine moment reality was made clear that I never have control anyway. "Control is an illusion," someone in my life always says. Yes, yes.
So on a perfectly horribly day on which I was one of the worst versions of myself, this unfolded: imagine me, the frustrated, annoying, nagging, stressed out girlfriend, no shower (umm why, just going to get dirty again in the mess of my current life), red eyes (really really red... like bizarre, like shouldn't you go to the doctor your eyes are really red, red), and about to move into my new apartment.
"Honey!!" I yelled, (very sweetly). "Can you just move all my stuff in for me? I'm stressed out. I have to go ______ and do ______ and I don't have time and I don't want to wait!" I had gotten my nails done that morning and was in a particularly princess-y mood.
"Fine," he replies, controlling himself. I come back from my errand to find all of my things moved into my new apartment, nice and neat, and Toms sitting quietly, waiting for me to return.
"Thank you so much! I'm so happy! etc.etc." As the sun began to set on my maddening day, I looked around my new place with a feeling of victory. I felt like the Queen of Maharastra--having conquered my foes in a four week siege since my plane had landed and Toms met me at the airport--ready to help with anything, just happy to have me there.
"Why don't you go take a shower?" he suggested. "What am I gross or something?" "Just go take a shower." In a moment of submission I "just did it". My hair dripping I decided to light a sea-scent candle from Galveston and turn on the small red lamp. Toms was on the balcony, sitting and meaningfully looking into the distance. "Honey look at my new apartment! Come look! Look! Isn't it so nice?!"
He came inside and smiled, took my hand and began to lead me in a dance. No music required. "Why don't you put some music on?" On my iTunes I typed, "If Tomorrow" recalling the cheesy country duet between Garth Brooks and Kent Blazy "If Tomorrow Never Comes". This song and "Tomorrow Night" by Patty Griffin popped up and began to play. We resumed our dance and then something in the atmosphere shifted. Like it did before our first kiss.
"Are you ready?" he asked me.
If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her? Did I try in every way to show her every day that she's my only one? And if my time on earth were through and she must face this world without me... Is the love I gave her in the past going to be enough to last if tomorrow never comes?
Lots of tears. An amazing speech. "There is no perfect time. Now is the time." Down on one knee.
YES!
Tomorrow night, will you remember what you said tonight? Tomorrow night will all the thrill be gone? Tomorrow night, will it be just another memory? Or just another song that's in my heart to linger on? Tomorrow night, will you be with me when the moon is bright? Tomorrow night will you say those lovely things you said tonight?
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